btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
