I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
