I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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