note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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