I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
