my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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