I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
