please come you make the beer taste better
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
