We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
