Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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