I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
