Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
