cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
