Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
