just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
