I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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