david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
