This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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