There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
