So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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