She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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