Welp...herpes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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