yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
