What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
