I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
