you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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