I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A+ Viking dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
