You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
