just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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