walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
