Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
