Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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