Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
