No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
