I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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