Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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