Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize