I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
