I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
