i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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