I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
