You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
