half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
