it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
