Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
