ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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