the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
