I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
