You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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