Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
