Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just want nice things and good sex
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
