Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
