her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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