OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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