Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
