you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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