paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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