Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
