the condom got lost in my hair
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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