The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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