I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
