watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
