I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
