his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
