Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
