Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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