Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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