So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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