I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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