in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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