obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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