Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
