her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
