just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
