I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
