He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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